There’s definitely the yummy, feel-good side. I mean, really. Who doesn’t love taking a break over a cup of tea? Or getting a massage once in a while?
But there is also the badass side, as in being an advocate for yourself. It means giving yourself massive amounts of slack when you mess up, and telling the truth about your experience. It means setting clear boundaries with others (even if it disappoints them), and telling the truth about your experience.
Self-care is also essential to our well-being as breathing. In other words, it's not optional.
Showing Up
For us to truly be able to shine brightly and exercise spacious detachment in ways that are real and don't fry our circuits, we need to be fierce advocates for ourselves. Yes, even if doing so means letting go of our need to being liked and approved of. Self-care won't help us unless we name and claim our worth.
If you're wondering how good you are at showing up for yourself, ask
yourself...
- Are you good at drawing the line: establishing with others what is okay and acceptable to you and what is not okay?
- Are you good about saying no when you mean no?
- Do you honor your innate wisdom and allow your feelings to be your guide?
- Do you give yourself permission to do what you love?
- Do you give yourself permission to be vulnerable?
- Is it okay with you to make mistakes, get it wrong, fail?
If you answered no, or "sometimes yes, sometimes no," it is time to raise the game; time to change the paradigm.
Changing the Paradigm of Self-Neglect
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." That quote by Anaïs Nin pretty much sums it up. When it comes to living big and showing up, the choices (and stakes) are pretty clear.
By now, hopefully, you're seeing what overwhelm can do to your well-being. Perhaps you can see it for what it is: stuck energy and weather. Maybe you've experienced what it does to block the natural flow of life and shut you down.
Can you feel how contracting it is just to say "I'm overwhelmed"?
Self-care is the antidote. But again, self-care won't move the needle on our evolution if we are in a constant state of alert, if our fight-or-flight button is still on, if we don't feel safe.
For us to feel nourished and loved, safe and supported, we must get off the treadmill. And how do we do that? We reach for our new best friends, the other four S's. We slow down and simplify, sense and surrender.
Together they create the container of safety we need to truly rise and shine.
Practice 5 – Cultivating Self-Care
Here's my invitation for the next five days:
- Re-read this lesson. Read it slowly and deliberately, like you're nourishing your spirit, feeding your soul. What new insights do you glean as a result?
- Reflect. Take some time to reflect (in a journal if you can) on the ways you unnecessarily defer, tolerate, or settle for less? Write down anything and everything you can think of where you might tend to "choose other" over you (so as not to create conflict and feel your feelings). Notice what it feels like in your body as you download. Notice your thoughts. Notice your breathing. Bring as much
self-kindness and compassion to this process as you can. When you feel complete, let it all go. Shake it all out and do something that feels really good and uplifting.
- Choose you. As you go about your day, bring spacious awareness to the choices you make around self-care. Lean into any discomfort you might feel when you put yourself first and show up more. Give yourself permission to disappoint others who may not understand, or even like this “new you.” (And remember, it’s
all practice.)
Photo and text by Stephanie Bennett Vogt
Portions of this material are excerpted from A Year for You, Hierophant Publishing, 2019
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
